Someone Else's Resolutions

Mother Nature is such a tease. Today is like springtime in the Washington, D.C. area. The temperature where I live is a perfect 70 degrees today. Everyone is running around in short sleeved shirts and I am looking for my flip-flips. At Starbucks everyone is ordering frappes and iced drinks. Yesterday I saw a flock of robins in my yard and had the most overwhelming longing for daffodils and cherry blossoms. We realize it’s a cruel lie but for today it is spring so why not go with it. You know what they say – if mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. I tend to agree. I am sure she wants us to play along or she will be very disappointed.

I’m thankful for the pretty weather as it makes it easier for me to put the Christmas decorations away – something that usually depressed me a little after the uber-ho-ho-ho spirit of the holidays. It may be a mistake but I usually take leave around the holidays, which makes diving into the new year especially traumatic.

I didn’t do my new year’s resolutions this year but I am thinking about just xeroxing the one’s from last year and giving those another shot. I don’t think I am alone in this.

Even though I didn’t make time for my own resolutions, I have enjoyed putting some together for the rich and famous as it seems they don’t often get around to making them either. Here’s a few that I would like them to add to their lists:

• Britney – Buy a boatload of underpants right away.
• K-Fed – Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
• Nicole – Get a driver and eat something, girl.
• Tom – Try not to be so freaky. It took me about a third of the way through MI III before I could stop thinking about you jumping on couches, marrying ridiculously young women, and spouting off on medicine and psychology like you know anything about it at all.
• Lindsey – Put down the drink. Leave the party.
• Dr. Phil – Shut up once in awhile. You really don't know everything.
• Rosie – If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all worked for you well once. Try it again.
• Pamela – Yeah, you with those really big breasts. Big breasts or not, maybe marriage isn’t for you right now.
• Angelina – Stop lying to yourself. Of course you stole Jen’s husband.
• Leonardo – Just leave Orlando Bloom alone. You still think you're a hearttrob no matter what you say.

I could go on… but I won’t. After all, providing resolutions to others is always easy than following your own.

Comments

[kenju]

I love your resolutions for other people, but you didn't give one to The Donald. He also needs to shut up; he's very mean-spirited lately.

[Margaret]

You have our nice, mild weather-GIVE IT BACK! We are getting hammered with one thing after another. If it's not rain, it's snow, or ice or windstorms. I've had enough. Your resolutions for celebrities are pretty accurate. I have always wondered how Lindsey L. has a drinking problem and goes clubbing all the time when she is not yet 21. Do they serve her liquor? I don't get it.

[boxx]

Isn't global warming fun? A great idea would be to buy land cheap in the artic because soon it will be expensive beach front property.

[art]

todays "celebiteies" need t go si down somewhere!! they have no talent anyway. if we act collectively and stop pandering to them, maybe then they will go away.

[Bozoette Mary]

I love those resolutions!

[radiogurl]

You definitely nailed the celebritney - I mean, celebrity - resolutions. I haven't made a New Year's Resolution in longer than I can remember. I prefer to look at each new year as a potential adventure, ready to unfold!

[Paula]

Love the resolutions it's so much more fun the come up with them for this bunch of so called "celebs"

[liz]

Great resolutions. Hope a few of them heed your advice. :) Happy New Year!
Liz (formerly breathtaken1 and joiedv at diaryland)

[Janet]

mmmm, Legolas :-)

[Christopias Spritopher]

Those resolutions are almost as good as my own, as for the impending Ice Age, I tell you what, it looks good in the movies and apparently only the attractive people live. I won't be around but the rest of you won't have to suffer.

[April]

Great list !
*grin*
Also Britney find a new stylist, puh-lease !