Suburban Island

Garden Stroll

QUESTION: How can I slow down?

WHAT I LEARNED: Stop and smell the roses.

Yesterday was a dark and cloudy day and today is a little less dreary but still not sunny and bright. It makes me fell the truth of autumn coming on and summer slipping away and in fact, officially already gone whether I like it or not. It's still warm here and last night was breezy and beautiful and the air felt slightly tropical and exotic. You can feel the slightest chill in the air this morning - just a little warning of cooler weather to come. I ordered my coffee hot instead of iced last night and today. A sure sign that I am surrendering to the inevitablity of summer's passing.

My day yesterday was spent doing little things. Eating a late breakfast with my husband at a favorite family restaurant. Sipping a coffee. Visiting my daughter at the store where she works. Making the bed. Cleaning out a drawer of my jewelry box. Doing a little office work. Going for a drive with my son to see the construction they are doing on his school. Having pizza and beer for dinner. Watching a show about a big clam chowder cookoff. Going down the road to buy a book and some magazines. Enjoying another cup of coffee.

I went out between the coffee and office work to walk around my garden and take some photos. Here's a little glimpse of the Suburban Island garden over the last few weeks.

Lavender Crepe Myrtles can be counted on to bloom all summer long.

In the little front garden bright petals are always present in the summertime.

Rose of Sharon line one side of our yard in pink and white. I like their simplicity and the fact that they flower through the summer.

Roses, roses, roses everywhere. Any proper Alice in Wonderland fan must have some roses in their garden. I am not very good at roses but I can't stand not having them in our yard.

Here's a little glimpse of the window to my office which looks out into the backyard.

My husband brought home this little windmill and set it up on top of the hill behind our house. I can watch it from my office window.

This white pine looks so serene all through the year. It's top branches seem to reach up to the clouds.

Some garden treats are small like this spiderweb studded with raindrops.

I hope you enjoyed this Sunday afternoon walk around my suburban garden and that you are making sure to take some time to relax this weekend.

Directional Disconnect

Living on Suburban Island isn’t always easy. For instance, sometimes I am a bit geographically challenged. I don’t know all the state capitals. I probably couldn’t even tell you where all the states are on a map of the United States if they weren’t marked. I am the reason they developed Mapquest and Mapblast. Sometimes I get arrogant about my knowledge of the general area in which I live though. That’s how I got in trouble this week. The other morning, I drove exactly to where I thought my appointment was only to find out that the road I actually needed to be on was about a half an hour away.

It’s bad enough to mess up on your directions but when you mess up on your directions and someone you are trying to impress with your professionalism is waiting on you – well, it’s pretty humbling. Sadly, the day of my directional disconnect was the day I had a new staff member tagging along with me. The “shadowing” is supposed to give the new kid on the job an idea of how we do things. I really did spend a lot of time setting up good appointments for her to go out on with me. Instead of doing the appointments downtown where my biggest problem would be hailing a taxi, I went the extra mile – literally - and set up appointments that required a bit of driving around outside of the city. I was intent on making sure that I made the very best impression and that the new person was wowed by my amazing level of expertise. Too bad she found the place before me.

Okay, misstep one. On to misstep two. The next directional error occurred with the advent of our next appointment. Armed with a new set of directions – since we were now setting out from a totally different place than I had anticipated - we drove off. Somehow, even though we both had the directions in hand, I was leading. I knew that was a mistake but I forged ahead and hoped for the best. Now I don’t know how I did this but somehow my I-know-where-I-am-going arrogance kicked in again and suddenly and quite unexpectedly I assure you, I wound up driving the wrong way on the interstate. The shadower was driving behind me, lost as well. God in Heaven.

We did finally make it to our next appointment, and we made it in time, but I felt like a major idiot. Only lunch and the recollection that the weekend was almost upon us kept my spirits from flagging. It was a long day.

That night I missed my yoga class in the rush of the domestic chores that were required of me. I made it up to myself by going on an 9 PM bookstore shopping spree. This included buying myself a copy of The Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens, which I read while a senior in high school. I believe that Charles Dickens would understand the subtle humor surrounding the little failures of my day. I am eager to again immmerse myself in Mr Pickwick's mishaps.

Such is the life of the suburban worker bee.

Other things I learned this week:

On the Work Front

If you don’t charge your Blackberry, phone, or other important electronic accoutrements necessary for you to function in your daily life, they will not work and you will indeed find yourself suddenly in a sub-functional state at the most inopportune of moments.

If you fall behind on the reports you are required to do for work, it will take you 5 times as long to do them later and you will lose all the virtuous feelings attached to being timely. Even if you kill yourself on them, your boss won't like them as much as if you got them done in a more timely matter. This will make you sigh and maybe eat more chocolate than you should in one sitting.

On the Home Front

Don’t cry when your son tells you he had his new digital camera in his pocket when he went swimming. In this case, my kid had the good sense to get out of the water and call his uncle, who is a talented professional photographer, for advice. Between mom’s personal experience at drying out electronic equipment spilled upon or dunked, and uncle’s wisdom on the subject, my son was overjoyed today to find that his camera is working again. Patience, my friends, is indeed a great virtue.

What your son thinks is a clean room is probably not even equivalent to what you think of as a messy room. Always insist on an inspection of the room before allowing the teenager to remove themselves from the premises to do fun things with their friends. If you allow your teenage son to let his laundry pile up on the floor of his room, you may not even have the courage to enter the room to check out the clean-room statement.

Even if he says – I don’t have homework. He does.

Most of the stuff you bought from one of those home shopping networks will not fit or will fit and look absolutely terrible on you. It will cost you $15 to ship back all the items you don't want for some or all of the above reasons. It’s still cheaper than a real shopping spree. In my case, I got one casual outfit, a top, and a nice lightweight fall sweater out of the deal. It also forced me to get together all the stuff I promised to mail people, box it up, and finally send it out.

On the Personal Improvement Front

When you sign up for the gym nobody reminds you of the class time, sets out your gym outfit, arrives in a limo to drive you over to the facility while calming music surrounds you, or hands you a nice bottle of cooling hydrating water as you enter the gym. You have to do all that stuff yourself.

After your cool-off period for signing the gym contract has expired, you will discover that someone you once despised is a member as well. You will wish you looked better than you do in your oversized t-shirt, no make-up, hair yanked back in pony-tail, need-to-lose-weight-and-get-fit moment. Unfortunately this will not be the case.

On the Online Front

When you create a cool online quiz about what people like best about summer and put it up on your online journal site and you have great pop up stoppers in place, it will take you a week to realize that it is actually generating pop ups to go with the damn quiz. I took it down. Evidently, many of you don't like summer very much anyway. The rest of you like to wear flip-flops, take summer vacations, cook out, and revel in the absence of school. Me too.

When you move to a new site, the old service will suddenly start improving and fixing all the problems that you thought that they should fix and wrote them emails about that they never answered.

What Else I Noticed

There are a lot of butterflies and dragonflies buzzing around past windshields and windows lately. The remind me of the beauty, frailty, and gentle grandeur of life.

Friendly Advice

QUESTION: What are your priorities?

WHAT I LEARNED: Sometimes you are doing better than you think.

I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. Of course, I ask my friends for advice in this area and I get it too. One friend tells me that what I should do is quit my job, hop into bed for about three months and just take care of myself. I guess he doesn’t see the house, the two kids, and my need not to fall into abject poverty as real roadblocks to implementing this solution. I think he comes from another planet. It must be an interesting place.

Another friend suggests that I spend too much time on my online efforts. It is true that if you are blogging or keeping a journal online then you are spending some time at it that you could reallocate to other areas of your life. However, writing Suburban Island and blogging at Little Island and Scenic Stops is actually a part of my life that I find very rewarding and relaxing. How is tossing that aside going to reduce my stress, I wonder? It just removes one more line of support and maybe reduces my general level of accomplishment at the same time.

She’s a genie (genealogy addict) though and as such does have some point of reference as to the dangers of obsessive hobbies. Right now she has a romance going on and genealogy is off her list of things to spend her time on. I’m married and don’t have to worry about romance taking the edge off my addictive pastimes such as writing online diaries, playing The Sims, and watching too much reality TV. She might just begin to envy me. Suddenly I feel a little less overwhelmed. Romance is a lot of work.

So although I adore my friends and appreciate their suggestions, I think I must keep my job and continue on my online path despite their advice. My friends are dear but they don’t understand that maybe I’m not looking for a solution. I’m just looking for a way to reallocate some of their time to something more worthwhile than what they are currently doing - like helping me to figure out that overwhelmed or not, I am really doing okay with my life right now after all.

Thank goodness for good friends.

No Nap Central

QUESTION: Where can I hide?

WHAT I LEARNED: Moms don't get naps.

I’m grouchy. I’m very grouchy. Back to school for kids means earlier mornings for me than I care to get used to keeping. I am already sleep deprived. School has back in session for two days.

Tonight I made fried butterfly noodles – fried in butter – and topped it with parmesan cheese. I ate a ridiculous amount of these crispy noodles. I feel guilty yet unrepentant. Pasta is the ultimate comfort food for me.

Recently I did some clothes shopping online. Everything arrived today. Only about a third of the things I ordered looked okay on me. The rest made me realize that all that glitters is not gold or even wearable. For instance – my recent experience has taught me that even though I really like the color orange a lot, I should not select it as a color for my three-piece jacket, reversible shell, and pant outfit. Citrus is just another name for orange. Melon too.

I will not buy a jacket with ruffled sleeves in a whimsical print again. I will not buy a jacket with ruffled sleeves in a whimsical print again. I will not…

Enough of that. Where’s the nearest post office?

Naps are nice. I wish I could have one. In my house no one named mom every gets to nap. You’ll cuddle up on the sofa and start to drowse off and the phone will ring. Today, a guy knocked on the door to sell me siding and windows – probably because my phone line is so busy taking calls from siding and window businesses already calling during the dinner hour that a personal audience was the only way to get through to me.

My husband likes to talk to me when I am trying to nap. He wants to discuss my car which is still in the shop – should we give it up and start car shopping? He wants to know if the dishes in the dishwasher are clean or dirty, why my son’s room is not straightened, and when my daughter will be home from work.

He gets distracted by COPS. I make a break for it. I go upstairs and cuddle up in bed.

My son soon seeks me out – should we shop for shirts and a backpack tonight? We discuss the merits of shopping at 8:30 at night when mommy is napping. We agree to shelve the chore until the weekend and he goes off to find a shirt for tomorrow leaving the bedroom door open so the light and noise from the rest of the house can stream into the room.

My husband comes upstairs shortly afterwards. He switches on the light. What are you doing? It’s not bedtime yet. This from a man who thinks nothing of going to bed at 7:30 at night on a regular basis. Now I am getting annoyed.

He leaves. I burrow down into the covers again. I want my nap.

Five minutes later I hear my daughter arrive. She seeks me out with her computer in hand. Can I sit downstairs with her – she would like a foot rub while watching TV and shopping online. I can’t blame her but I am getting grouchy. She wants dinner too. We ate it all hours before because she didn’t want to eat the un-diet-y noodles. Now she wants them. She said I misunderstood her noodle comment. I make meatloaf and mashed potatoes for her instead (tomorrow dinner) – don’t worry, they were out of a refrigerator pack – I’m not totally crazy and I do thank Hormel and Simply Potatoes for helping me out.

Now I am awake again. I don’t want to sleep because I am getting my second wind. My husband is fast asleep. My daughter is watching a movie upstairs with one of her friends. My son reminded me that we need to get up at 6:20AM tomorrow morning. He decided he wanted some meatloaf and mashed potatoes too.

My daughter gave me a piece of Belgium chocolate from a box someone gave her as a belated birthday gift – it was delicious. I came downstairs to the study and put on a Chet Baker album – instant audio tranquilizer. I still have office work to do. The car is still in the shop. The mushrooms are still on the lawn. I swear I am going to get to bed by 11:00PM. Will I do it? Probably not. My son just came down to talk to me about the expenses he is incurring as a modern-day teenager – he doesn’t know the half of it. I send him back upstairs. Someone needs to go to bed.

Strangely, I’m not grouchy anymore. Is it the soothing quality of serving pre-package meatloaf and mashed potatoes, Chet Baker kicking in, or the realization that I may as well just stop stressing because I am not going to accomplish much more tonight anyway?

The one thing that I have learned as a mother is that sometimes you have to be satisfied with exactly what you’ve got. And for the moment I am.

School Days Arrive

QUESTION: Can I rewind summer?

WHAT I LEARNED: Summer is not forever.

I always have such high hopes for three-day weekends. I envision major home projects completed, wonderful hours of family time, and catching up on every front. This is all a wonderful unattainable fantasy. For instance, this weekend, cleaning the whole family room was traded for clearing off the dining room table, straightening up one bookcase, and going though a stack of clothes in the corner of my bedroom that has been compounding faster than credit card interest. I spent a lot of time finding orphaned CDs and DVDs this weekend and putting them back in their cases - a never-ending issue in my home. I organized one shelf in my son’s room as a shining example of what could be and I cleaned out my purse which functions as a sort of mini black hole. I have decided to feel satisfied with these small successes as they are baby-steps towards a more orderly life.

The house was quieter this weekend than usual as I sent my son off to the mountains for a weekend with one of his friends and his family. I have noticed that people who like the mountains generally aren’t as afraid of heights, hiking, or beans and franks as I am prone to be. My son has experienced this for himself this weekend and seemed to have heartily enjoyed it. It’s the stuff of adventures really.

The highlight of my weekend at home was watching Monster-in-Law with my daughter and a friend of hers one night - complete with homemade cupcakes topped with butter-cream icing that I did not have to make. I also worked on Suburban Island a lot - mainly maintenance type of stuff that seems to take much longer to do than one could every imagine but that once you start doing you feel you must complete no matter what the time and energy investment – like copying a year’s worth of entries with comments over from Diaryland to Typepad, as well as updating Buzznet and Flickr. I added a poll - see below. I was delighted to do a little catching up with a few of my diary and blog reads.

I also almost forgot an important date – my parent’s wedding anniversary. They married in September of 1951. Oddly, I had remembered the anniversary in August, bought gifts, and then promptly let it fall out of my brain again. Maybe because it is my Dick and Jane calendar is still on July.

The best thing I did for myself was join the gym last Thursday evening. Both my daughter and I signed up, bought our gym clothes, and attached the little plastic gym pass to our key chains right away. I’m feeling a little virtuous and even did a yoga class on Saturday. This is the first step in my quest to take better care of myself. Let’s see how it goes.

Most fascinating of all this weekend around our house was the strange arrival of the mushrooms in our front yard. They appeared like aliens beamed down from a space ship in a ragged little row and got bigger every day. I find them interesting. Everybody else thinks they are creepy. I wish I knew how they got here and what to do with them now that they are here. Don’t worry, I’m not going to eat them but I don’t know whether to pull them up or knock them down or just let them be. They make me think of tiny fairies dancing around in the moonlight in the front garden.

Tomorrow school starts here. My son will by a junior in high school. He is already upstairs talking about going to bed – a miracle. Life is going to get crazier and busier now. With both kids back in school – my daughter in college and my son in high school - it is really as clear as clear can be to me that summer is definitely over. The dryer is whirling around tossing the school clothes around for tomorrow. The house is almost silent as my daughter went to bed really early and all that mountain air and exercise has definitely kicked in for my son. I’m going to take the hint and turn it as well.

And that, my friends, is another small miracle.

Good Week - Bad Week

Last week was a glorious week. Last week was the week my kids did nice things for me and each other and I felt like someone had dropped me into a corner of domestic paradise. My husband brought home a lap desk so I can use my laptop with impunity anywhere in the house. People brought home little presents and treats. They helped each other out and cooked for each other. It was plenty nice.

Then the tide turned. My car broke down in the pouring rain last Friday and it cost us $300 to set it right. Yesterday it let me down again – cost to repair… as yet unknown.

It was just the tip of the iceberg. The kids were soon arguing with each other – about nothing. I quickly embarked on a family lecture circuit – beware an irate mommy. The house was looking much the worse for wear as every table top, counter, laundry pile, and desk acted as a magnet for the miscellanea of our everyday life. No matter how much work I did at work, more work arrived in my email. How distressing and yet reasonably predictable. I’m working every evening to catch up this week – how come I’m not caught up?

I need to pay attention to others in my life too – beyond the kids and husband – and as we all know that can be more time consuming than one can every truly anticipate. There are lots of chores to do too. Frankly, I know I’ll never do them all and it’s rather distressing to admit it to myself.

Each night before bed I realize I am not going to get enough sleep, I didn’t really eat right, I never found the time to exercise, and I forgot to take my vitamins. All this makes me grouchy. It makes me realize that all the things I want to do are taking a backseat to all the things I have to do – or someone else thinks I have to do.

Yesterday I joined a gym near my house. Tonight I had pizza. I probably won’t get enough sleep tonight. I don’t feel like looking for the vitamins. There will be more emails in my mailbox tomorrow and I am okay with that. There are no house elves to help me get my household chores done and that kind of disappoints. I’m thinking about a maid service. Or finding the vitamins. Or maybe I’ll just sleep in and learn to live with clutter and accept that there will always be way too much to do.