Banking for Dummies

Sometimes bloggers are sitting there minding their own business when something so blog-able happens that it is all we can do not to jump up and push people out of the way so we can get to a keyboard. I had one of those moments today at the drive-in window of the bank.

I was glad for it because I have been bad about blogging and had been tossing around some potential posts for a while with no actual post to show for it. Yes, I do want to tell you about the cruise I took to Alaska, and the conference I went to in Seattle, and the earthquake that occurred in my quiet Virginia neighborhood, but I just couldn’t write about those things because life got in the way or the words could not congeal as they should into a proper post.

But this – this was perfect. Imagine a yellow Toyota MR2 Spyder shining in the summer sunshine – top down, guy with baseball cap sitting inside it. He is happy with the world, happy with himself, happy with himself in this yellow convertible. He’s feeling pretty damn good. Little does he know that life is going to rain on his parade before he can lift the top on his spiffy little car or even pull out a tiny umbrella such as the ones we sometimes stuff under car seats for emergencies.

He was sitting at the drive-in window in all his happy ignorance as I pulled up behind him in the happy knowledge that I was about to check off one of my must-do chores for the day from my list. It looks like he is finishing up when a pivotal event occurs that sets everything into motion and it occurs in a clumsy flash. Mr. Cool Sports Car Guy drops the canister that goes into the pneumatic tube on the ground. This is not any tube but one of the tubes that belongs to the brand new pneumatic tube system just installed by the bank to replace the old beat up stuff they had in place before.

My friends, in life it is the little things that bite you in the ass. And so it is for this gentleman. He now makes what I like to call “a lazy-ass decision”. He doesn’t really want to get out of his car to retrieve the canister and so he makes a half-hearted effort to find it and then begins to pull away. Crunch. Grind. Oh my!

I am pretty sure that it was stuck under his car. Now he has upped the ante because he has to get this canister out from under the vehicle after all. And besides, to make the whole thing even better, it turns out that he had not quite finished his transaction. My brain is screaming – Blog post! Blog post!

So he has to back up. And that means that I have to back up too. I don’t mind because after all, as entertaining as all of this is, I have to get some banking done too. I pull up into an empty drive-through lane and start my banking transaction. In the meantime the guy is out of his car and he is holding the shattered tube in his hand. He asks the teller, “Do you have any more of these? I’m not done with my transaction.” He takes the broken tube and stuffs it down on the side of the booth and begins to conduct his business standing in front of the glass window with a whole new little container. I’m sure that it’s pretty hard to do this without feeling like an ass. Finally, business transacted, he hops back into his car with a slightly hunted look and drives away like he is expecting to be stopped and made to pay up for damage done at any second. A moment later a bank teller appears and makes a visual sweep of the area with great dignity edged in disbelief until her eyes fix on the demolished tool of business that had been so cruelly crushed beneath the wheels of a bright yellow MR2 Spyder.

Knowing my bank as I do, once a friendly community member and now a grasping heartless business entity, I believe Mr. Cool Sports Car Guy should not be surprised to discover a charge on his account.

As the teller said to him as he pulled away: "Have a nice day, sir."

Comments

[Blue Opal]

Oh yeah. That's a charge. And probably a surcharge and a "bounced check machine" charge and an ATM charge. And God help him if it was B of A. Because by the time they get done charging him his KIDS will owe on the extra charges he accrued in this one little incident.

[Poolie]

What a great post! I am sitting here laughing my head off!

[l'empress]

I hope that bank isn't the one who holds his car loan. Because I am certain that spiffy little trophy is not paid for. (Unless it was borrowed or rented, in which case he'll have damage to account for...)

[Diane]

That was hysterical!

[Yankeechick]

That is a priceless story! Very good piece of writing, as well, considering how out of practice you are! ahem! (just kidding) I could come up with some good stories about those tubes at the bank drive up windows, since I used to be a teller. I could probably do a whole post on them, but I'll share one of the best ones here. One day we heard a very loud pick up come tearing into the drive up lanes, and the cute (not) little rednecks in the truck were just acting as goofy as hell, sent the tube in and sped off! They had sent in a tampon in the tube.....and yes...it was....used, that is. Un-be-lieveable!!